You’re right, I do give you more than a friend does, and that’s because I’m still madly in love with you, and I know you don’t want that. Honestly, everything you do effects me, us talking very less, you hanging out with other guys makes me jealous, and me and you just being friends honestly feels impossible, as much as I try, I have to express my feelings about you to myself by making those stupid video that I used to make now because I can’t tell you about them, and I swear, I’m trying to be there for you as much as I can, I worry about you 24/7, thinking about you and how you’re dealing with everything all alone, and how I can help you out. That’s why I sent you those things and that’s why I made the website for you, it was all to make you a bit happy through all of this shit that’s going on in your life. If we can’t talk the way we used to before becoming ‘friends’, then I’m sorry, I cannot talk to you. Because I’ll just be lying to you and myself and I do not want that. I wanna love you and take care of you and reassure you and take care of you like a baby. But I know you don’t want that right now for certain reasons, and honestly that’s fine. Yk I also told that girl that I’m in love with you aswell and that I’ve written you letters and I’m crazy out of my mind for you. So yeah, I can’t just be ‘friends’ with you eshal, honestly. I can’t sleep properly nowadays, I sleep on the couch with the TV on so that I get like 4 hours of sleep because sleeping in a quiet room makes me feel so lonely. I smoke so that I feel a little less lonely nowadays because we don’t talk. I’d honestly love to give you your space for as long as you want in return of us talking like we were when we were more than friends. If you want that let me know, I’ll wait weeks and months if you want to start talking like that again, because I’ve decided Eshal, that I can never just be ‘friends’ with you, not since we first held hands or when I said ‘I love you’ to you. Whenever I told you that It’s honestly too late for that, atleast for me. I don’t know how you look at me as just a friend because I honestly cannot. I look at you with so much fucking love. I wanted to tell you all this in this stupid plan I made of me coming to Lahore for your birthday this year as I’ve made some money and I just need to make a little more to come but I don’t know, I can’t lie to you for any longer, i love you too much to lie to you, this guilt of not telling you is eating me up. So yeah eshal, I’m sorry but I don’t think we can be just ‘friends’, if you want some time and accept me this way after whenever. It’s okay that you’re busy aaj kal I know honestly, I just want to love you through all of this shit that you’re going through eshu, because that’s all I can give you, the love that I have for you. But yeah, I cannot be friends with you, I truly am very sorry eshal for making you think that we can just be ‘friends’.